Fool me once....

Shame. On. You.


Fool me twice, shame on me. And indeed, I am ashamed, embarrassed, and yesterday when I accidentally purchased this abomination, I was So Hungry.



This deceptively un-friendly product tastes like chunky, sneakily funky, highly processed vanilla pudding in the best of circumstances. The Best of Circumstances Being when you Know and Expect that there is pineapple in it. In the worst of circumstances, you grab this at Duane Reade when you're short on time and you're starving and you run down to grab a healthy bite. You want something quick, desk-edible, cheese-ish, but healthy. "Oh goody goody I'm back at my desk and I'm going to dig in!" you think, returning to the office, spoon procured, seated and ready to eat! "Yum yum big spoonful!" and then it hits....

What are those weird globby yellowish chunks? It doesn't taste right, it's vaguely sweet, not really salty at all, but it wouldn't really hit a sweet tooth. You search for an expiration date, assuming it's a year old or some such.

Then you see it. The miniscule 'with pineapple' scribbled at the bottom of the label taunts you with its tropical smugness, and it's there-ness. I'm pineapple, and I'm here to RUIN YOUR LUNCH. Hahahahahahahahahaahhaha.

As one of many victims of these malicious and frankly sick tubs of dairy product, I move that we pull these from the shelves IMMEDIATELY! WHO IS WITH ME!?

In other news, this pops up when you do a google image search for "Cottage Cheese with Pineapple, Friendship" . So that's pretty funny, and sort of a palate cleanser for you. God knows you need one after pineappled cottage cheese.